I’ve been very busy working on a huge crochet project. Since I don’t have a post ready for you guys, I thought I’d reach into my files and give you a random post. This post comes from a prompt to write a creative, humorous story, about how to catch flies. I’ve always enjoyed a challenge so I decided to give it a go.
Attack of the Mutant-flies.
May, 1, 2032
The fly apocalypse has hit: we’re becoming over run. People are falling to the street as they are overtaken by swarms. The flies cover you like a blanket and take every chance they can get to fill your body with their army – until finally you explode like a giant bug filled bomb. I’ve been watching this for days now and today is when I finally got the call from N.B.D (National Bug Defense.) “Our mutant-flies were an experiment for special forces in war situations. It appears we have had breech and our mutant-flies have been released onto the world. We are unsure of all the functions they obtains, as they we still in a very early age of testing. They now seem to be on a rampage and it is up to you to save our planet.” Feeling the pressure, I quickly headed off to the drawing boards.
I knew we couldn’t drop a bomb on them – that would prove to be just as harmful to us humans; We couldn’t spray them, that would kill just as many animals and people as well. No, I had to devise a way to catch and contain them. The container part came easy, I knew all I would need is a giant mobile dome: Once I figured that part out, it was time to get down to how we should catch them.
My first thought was sticky paper. In a smaller format that usually works wonders, so why not try it on a larger scale? Well, after a few tries, I can tell you it’s not a good idea. As our volunteers began hanging these giant sticky fly traps, the problems started. First we had volunteers getting stuck to the fronts as they tried to apply the paper, then the wind began to blow and the paper rolled some of the traps up – This lead to volunteers now being trapped between buildings and sticky paper. Some volunteers were even rolled up in the traps like giant sticky human burritos sprinkled in flies who didn’t make it past.
Though we did get some of the flies, it didn’t seem to be effective in the least bit and the mutant-flies continued to grow at an exceptional rate. I paced and paced as the sound of buzzing wings grew louder, with the increasing number of mutant flies the sound had become almost enough to make one deaf. Our problem was not getting any better; the food was running out and the only way to travel was by tank, in most cases. From what our scouts had gathered, giant maggots have starting to litter the street and they’re feeding on the rotten bodies of previously exploded people. The mutant-flies have begun to adapt at an astounding rate. They are no longer large armies of tiny flies that must fill ones body for the kill – no, now they seem to grow five times larger with every feed of human flesh and they seem to do nothing but feed. If they weren’t feeding, they were multiplying and I had to figure something out quickly as the world seemed to be doomed.
That’s when it hit me like a bolt of lightening! I needed the dome to also be a gigantic vacuum, with an extra intake to pump poison into the dome. That’s when I sprinted off to the emergency N.B.D “squished roach” phone. I dialed Dyson in a hurry and threw Bissel on the three-way, for good measure. They quickly gathered the biggest jet engines and giant tubing they could find – then worked like the Tazmanian Devil on a mega-meth mix, made specially for superman – needless to say, they were finished in a flash.
Within a few hours we had a machine to test and it couldn’t have come at a better time. Our city was over run and the swarm was quickly spreading across the world. We dressed in hazmat suits that looked like they were on steroids and we hopped in a chamber where we were welcomed by a waterfall of ultra-mega – governmental strength – bug spray. Bissel undoubtably missed a tear in his suit during our earlier inspections and had to be rushed away as all his brain cells seized up and died; the doctors said he’d recover after a full body cleanse but for now, even a newborn was smarter and more aware than Bissel was.
Dyson and myself felt terrible but we had to continue on for the sake of all man-kind! We finished gearing up and strapped ourselves into the massive transformer truck that Dyson and Bissel had created. With the click of a few buttons and switches, we were armed and on our way. We were soon out of the garage and away from the building that had been keeping us safe from the wrath of the mutant-flies. Everything looked black and the building was quickly lost in the swarms of giant flies. You could only see patches of the sky peeking through for seconds at a time.
We pressed on until we hit the center of town and with a smirk of pure evil, we flipped the switch and prepared to take our town back but at first, nothing happened and the fear of impending doom sunk deep into our bellies: we were after-all stuck in an over-sized vacuum, full of poison. I crossed my fingers and tried it again as I cursed the contraption to work. This time the engines turned over and the roar was enough to blow your eardrums; the rumble was enough to shake your teeth loose and my vision blurred with the vibration of sheer power. This is the only time I had been truly happy to have my Boise noise canceling head-phones with me. Sure the flies wings were bad but this was the sort of noise that easily made your ears bleed.
With the flip of another switch the vacuum came to life and the flies began to fill the dome. Once the vac-dome hit it’s capacity, a poison was released that caused the flies to spontaneously combust. The flies burned up into nothing but dust and we repeated this process until finally the world seemed rid of the monstrous, mutant-flies. After the job was done, we returned home to be celebrated as the ninja-fly-killers we were. Dyson and I rejoiced with our families and everyone welcomed the sight of the sky again. People danced in the sunlight and the only thing we needed to do now was to clean our city up of all the lifeless-drained, grey bodies that littered the streets – then our lives could finally get back to normal.
That’s when our celebration suddenly came to a halt as Dyson was swooped up and blood spilled down like it was coming from a twisted fountain or evil water sprinkler. This made it impossible to see what was happening or what had gotten him. Just as quickly as Dyson has disappeared, people all around me began vanishing into the sky. All you could hear was the wind as it rushed past and the terrifying screams of creatures victims – just before another down pour of human rain begins. I run as stealthily as possible, dodging gusts of wind as I madly search for cover and that’s when I saw one of the dead bodies rise up. The dead were now changing into super-mutant-human-fly-zombies and I knew a whole new battle was upon us…