Birthday Thoughts

Today is my birthday – happy birthday to me. At this point in life, my birthday doesn’t really mean anything. It’s simply another day. Yes, I am a year older but truly I’m only a day older than I was yesterday. For a long time, I looked forward to my birthday. I wanted someone to throw me a party and make a big deal. After about 22 years of that not happening, I gave up (so i thought) I come to realize a few things I wanted to pass on. (Bare with me, we will get to a point lol)
First off, I personally feel I was given a crappy birth date, the 5th of December, or December all together – is a terrible time to be born. Either you get one crappy gift (like a dollar store hair brush) or nothing. The people in your life will always tell you that you’ll get more for Christmas to make up for it. In reality, you’re going to get the same amount as everyone else or the same number planned for you before a birthday was considered.
With the holiday season around and everyone saving their pennies, no one wants to buy you a gift when they have to do it again in a few weeks. On top of that, with thanksgiving not long passed and Christmas soon around the corner, no one wants to go out to dinner either. After all, they don’t want to spend the extra money with the holidays upon them and they don’t want to put on anymore extra weight, than needed.
So to say I’m over it, is an understatement. When people wish me a good day, or a fun day, my first thought is what are talking about. I’m going to be doing the same thing I do any other day. I’ve come to find that after having children, my life has become not my own. No longer do I have a name other than mother. My wants and even some of my needs will go unmet because my children’s will always be priority. That includes my birthday, it might be the day I was born but it’s certainly not MY day.
With this in mind and the turning another year older, I found myself going back through old pictures. I began creating what you could call scrap book pages. Framing firsts, family moments and pages of the children doing similar things at the same age. Looking back at these, makes me feel for my mother. Kids grow so fast, they learn so much and with every year they become such different people. If in this moment I am feeling terribly old than I can only imagine how my mother feels.
I try not to feel this way, or at least not for long because I’m still youngish. I still act as strange and entertaining as I did as a teenager. Now it’s just about different things or not as long lasting, I can only skip about in excitement for short periods of time (not because I’m old or fat lol) because I don’t have that teen peep anymore. Not like when I was in high school and could just “go, go, go” in the partying sense. Now, if you gave me the option to go and party or take a nap……I’d take the nap. I don’t consider that being old though, I just consider that, being wiser.
At this point, my life revolves around four main people- hubby and the kiddos. However, I do have other family so there are other people thrown into my world at random but for the most part, it’s just my four loves. It’s kind of like being the moon, my life revolves around the “earth” so to speak, and at time I have to watch out for random flying objects (outside family members).  (If you readers are still on board at this point, I’d be surprised. I may start losing myself at this point)
I guess what I’m trying to say is that with life comes changes, older ages and lots of memories. The time may begin to feel as if it is flying by faster, I’ve been feeling it myself. But, I’m reminded of a saying today and it makes me see otherwise. “A watched pot, never boils.” I find this saying to be genius, if you’re waiting on something (like a pot of water to boil) and just watching for it, than it will take forever. If you keep busy than whatever you’re waiting on will happen faster.  
I believe the reason time flies by faster as you age and change in the family dynamic, is because your forming more and more memories. The older your children become, the more you can do together, the more memories you create and the faster time passes. They say how we live and where we live is what forms our lives. I suppose this is true to a point, it does make up a good bit of who we are: but what really shapes our lives are the memories we make along the way. If your life is filled with terrible memories than its likely not a very happy or fulfilling life. If it’s instead filled with magical moments and only little moments of sadness, it will have been a fulfilled and joyful life.

In the end, it’ll be the memories we create for our children that influence who they become as people and parents. My personally goal is to give my children memories they want carry on with their children. That way I can also pass on the gift of traditions and be a part of helping to shape the lives of my grand- children and maybe even great grand-children. I’m coming to believe that memories are the answer to life’s great questions but then again, who really knows? If I ever figure it out, I’ll let you know, haha.
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