Dear New Mom

Dear new mom,

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You’ve happily ushered in your new bundle of joy and for the first time, it feels like the rest of your life has begun. After all, nothing defines ’til death do us part like being a mother. I just want to offer you a friendly welcome to motherhood…

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Welcome to the repeated, late night feedings.

Welcome to stained clothes and never knowing if it’s spit up, poo or some other unidentifiable goo: that could stump the best of scientist.

Welcome to a wide new world of knowledge, one that involves a lot of poo info. NO, that’s not a joke. You’ll quickly learn that being a mom means knowing a lot about poo! As in, how it should look, what food produces what poo, the different smells, and yes – even the textures. You’ll be a poo-pert in no time! (Like a poo expert. hahaha).

Welcome to a love life on the go, because you’re either going to be scheduling it or catching in-between feedings, cleaning, working and sleep. Though, you’re in luck with this being your first baby, sex is still pretty obtainable when you only have one child.

You can also welcome saggy boobs, stretch marks and yes, possibly even thinning hair. (From a glowing beauty to a fat scary witch, thanks kid)

Welcome to never worrying over petty problems like “Do these shoes match my outfit?”. Instead you’ll spend your time worrying about things like, “Should I vaccinate or not?” “Will I give them cow’s milk, no milk, soy milk, coconut milk, low fat?” (This one is stupid to me, I love cow’s milk….heck, I love cows. Mmmmm steak. Sorry… Back to the point.) “Will I cloth diaper or not?” “If I don’t cloth diaper, does that make me an evil-litter bug?” and believe me, those are nothing. The worries only increase in insanity and quantity, as they grow older.

Welcome to dealing with annoying moms at the park, group events and schools. They’re everywhere and they will find you. Believe me, I know things.

Welcome to hating other drivers/driving more than you could imagine. You’re now driving around your most prized position. Everyone on the road is officially a huge threat and out to get you!

Welcome to the world of child proofing. Corners of tables, counters and fireplaces. Not to mention the endless amount of door, window, cabinet, toilet and knob locks that you’re going to need.

Welcome to dealing with rude nurses/doctors and the insurance problems that come with it all.

Welcome to the countless number of decision you’ll have to make as a parents.

Welcome to not knowing everything.

Welcome to crying over touchy feel-y movies and commercials.

Welcome to the unwanted advice of everyone around you and most of the people you pass on the
street. That’s right, strangers will stop you to offer their expertise. The funniest advice always comes from those who don’t even have children of their own – they also happen to be the most annoying.

Welcome to feeling alone, especially if you’re a stay-at-home parent. No worries, it’s not all the time. It’s mostly when you haven’t had an adult conversation all week or the baby won’t stop fussing or when you just need a hand, but no one is around – so yeah, most of the time.

Welcome to the world of mind numbing kids shows and the annoying songs, you’ll have to play on repeat. (I personally don’t do kids song, we listen to real music…we keep it real around here….*hangs head in shame* OK, OK! I know more Nick Jr songs than I care to admit.)

Welcome to a new world of lying, you know: flash lights kill the monsters under the bed, dinosaurs love gummy bears, shots don’t hurt, fruit is the candy of nature, etc…

Welcome to insanely stressing over someone who isn’t you, and a life of constantly questioning yourself: “Am I doing this right?” “Am I being a good mom?” “Am I setting a good example?” “Am I raising tiny psychos?” You know, the usual, hahaha.

Welcome to the never ending kid questions, once they can talk – that is. You’ll really want to invest in ear-plugs when they hit the ‘why’ phase. Oh the why phase…I don’t miss that one at all!

Welcome to the biggest – never ending bill, you’ll ever incur. Kids aren’t cheap, DUH!

(*sigh*: It all seems so terrible doesn’t it? Well, no turning back now, you’re in this one for the long haul. So…)

Welcome to a whole new reality. Everything in your life is pretty much the same but this one addition makes your little “world” feel new. It makes the sun shine brighter and the air smell sweeter. (Until they poop, hahah)

Welcome to a new kind of caring and a never-ending love that you’ve never felt before. The kind of love that would make you take a bullet or fight of sharks, without a second thought.

Welcome to slobbery good morning kisses, bear hugs and holding onto little hands. There is almost nothing more beautiful than the feeling of your little one tightly grasp your finger, for the first time. Except for the tiny “I love you”s!

Welcome to first times that make you scream with joy, cry, celebrate and occasionally make you scratch your head. From their first smile to their first call from jail, it’s a roller-coaster of emotional “new-ness”.

Welcome to childhood all over again! A reason to watch those old childhood cartoons and take a walk down memory lane. Better than that, it’s a reason to play with all your favorite toys, from your past – without being judged for it.

Welcome to having the power to raise a better future. Take it seriously! After all, they’ll be taking care of us one day. (Scary! I know.)

Welcome to fort building, couch cuddles, silly stories and plenty of dragon slaying.

Welcome to loving your partner in a whole new way. If you thought you loved your spouse before, just wait until the moment your child is born. It’s as if you suddenly see each other in a whole new light. Now I won’t lie, those sex-less weeks after delivery are killer! The good thing? All those weeks of waiting, only end up amplifying that new loving feeling. So basically, the sex is awesome…just in case you weren’t getting it. J

Welcome to sneaky sex. Once it’s on, it’s on – but now comes the trick of finding the time. During naps, quickies in the shower, morning wake ups…whatever you can sneak in there.

Welcome to knowing what true love really feels like.

Welcome to the perfect chance to be a better person.

Welcome to heartfelt moments at the most unexpected of times.

Welcome to the best part of your life.

Welcome to a moms life.

Just one mom to the world but THE mom to 3, my world.

I want to dedicate this to my little cousin Amber – though you’re not so little anymore. (Dang I’m getting old!) You’re going to be a mommy and I’m already so proud of you, I can’t wait to watch you grow as a mother.

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4 Responses to Dear New Mom

  1. Hi there! I'm a new follower from MBC and would love a follow back at and Pinterest. I follow all of my Pinterest followers 🙂

  2. Thank you for stopping by and following.

  3. Aww great funny letter. Wish someone had warned me ha! Hope your cousin is doing well, how lucky she is to have great support. Thanks for linking with #wineandboobs – Emma from Handbags and Snot Rags

  4. Thanks for the kind words and for stopping by. As for her, she's doing great, loving that mom life.

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