HUMP-day – Random thoughts of the week

 My brain is always switched on, it’s a lot like the energizer bunny….it just keeps going and going. Not only is it always on (it’s annoying sometimes), but I’m almost 100% sure that I don’t have normal people thoughts. I wouldn’t say I’m a fruit loop – little white coat crazy, but I may not be on the same page, or wave length as most people.
That being said, I decided that I wanted to do a weekly post. Most people would probably do this on a Monday or Friday…since it’s a weekly thing, but I’m weird so go with it. Welcome to my HUMP-day, random thoughts of the week. (Warning: Random thoughts may bring on uncontrollable laughter, peeing your pants (you get it if you’re a mom.), speechless-ness, and possibly the want to call some form of help. In the case of wanting to contact a doctor, psychiatric facility, or anything of the sort – please remember that I’m only about as half as crazy as I sound. Lol ……moving on.
Here we go-
1. *I’m cleaning poop off the wall* (yes, we’re starting with poop…it takes up a lot of my life right now) “Why is it that every time I leave the baby in his diaper only, on purpose, he leaves it on….but when I mean to put pants on him and forget, he then suddenly has to poo, and then decides this is the moment he should play in his diaper. Add remember pants on the baby, ALWAYS to the endless list.”
“Why is that no matter what I do, my kids (pre-potty trained) always poo right after I put them down for a nap. I know it’s not a time of day thing, I’ve tried plenty of different time. They’re already in a secret pack against me! They remind me of a little dog I had, no matter how many times I took her out it didn’t matter, as soon as I put her in her crate she would suddenly get unimaginable dog diarrhea!…..did I just compare my kids to dogs?….well I do have to feed, water, walk, play with and clean up after them. Ah, close enough….but the kids can talk…in that case – I might like the dog better. What? At least I can tell it to shut up.” (Mom of the year? I think yes! lol)
2. *Potty training* (yeah we’re going there again) “I just cleaned up the babies poo, now here I am cleaning a pile up off the kitchen floor. He could have at least mentioned he pooped before pulling the pants off….but I know nothing’s that easy….*sigh* where’s my easy button?…. Dang you staples?…or whatever office supply store that you might be.”
“Yay, poo free floor. It’s just too bad I still have to go clean the poop out of his pants and off of him…all while keeping the baby out of it, and him from sitting on anything. Oh the life of a mom, I’m glad I have a sense of humor or this would really ruin my day. It’s not as good as last week when he pooped in MY panties, and then left them in front of the toilet – for me to find. I’m starting to think this kids a whole lot smarter then I give him credit for.”
3.*Jr. (Middle child) falls of the chair* His response is “OW, shit!” Mine? “Great, now I have to tell him that we don’t say that….or I could ignore it. *sigh* I guess I’ll do the good parent thing and tell him it’s wrong. I could cuss, in sign, before I could talk (yeah, my family is “that” family). I love to cuss, the words don’t bother me, and I feel like people put too much meaning into them…to me it’s no more offensive than cheese. (Did I just compare shit to cheese? I may be crazier than I thought.)  I wonder if it’s wrong that I don’t feel bad for likely being the one they learned it from. At least they know how to do it properly…they never misuse a cuss word…there’s a certain pride feeling rising up. I’m really never going to win one of those mom of the year awards, crap.”
4. *Cleaning up a carton of eggs* “Why do my kids love eggs so much? It’s like 1 1/2 to 2yr olds are in love with eggs. With the girl it was stealing them to cook in her play kitchen…boy was that a mess! Now, my second child has to steal them and bomb things! I wonder if this is a glimpse into his future…I can just see the cops at the door with him in toe. “Hello Mam, we found your son egging people in the park again.” ….why did a smile just creep across my face? I’m sure it won’t be as funny then…unless he has a video, then it will be hilarious. Hubby is right, our life will be like that song – He’s Mine by Rodney Atkins.  Great, now I’ll be singing it the rest of the day. The kids really are mini little copies of my husband and myself…..we may be in trouble.”
-Side notes-
1. I’m starting to wonder if I talk to myself a little too much….I don’t really care…I just wonder. I’m my own best friend. Haha! (Cause that doesn’t sound crazy at all. If any of you are left at this point, I’d be surprised)
2. If you don’t know the song I’m referring to then look it up, I would put all the lyrics but I’d hate to make you go through all that. The only reason is because the whole song sums up what imagine my family will be like. I will however share one part that I feel gets my point across.
“And I said, he’s mine that ones
Got a wild-haired side and then some
it’s no surprise what he’s done
He’s every  last bit of my old man’s son
And If you knew me then
There’d be no question in your mind
You know he’s mine” – Rodney Atkins
And onward with random thoughts.
3. *Off to the store*  “This is the third time I’ve left this week and its started raining as soon as I step off the porch. It mostly stops while I drive…I guess that’s a plus since I don’t prefer to drive in the rain…stupid drivers are everywhere….ewww, that guy couldn’t get his finger any further up his nose! *sigh* I hate these camera lights. They seem like they would cause more problems than they would help…grrrr…change already, stupid light.”
 “I know once I get to the store, the moment I put my truck in park…it will begin to pour. I’ll wait a few minutes, get impatient, and then run for it…because yet again I’ve forgotten the umbrella. Once I get inside, the rain will magically stop…that is until I’m ready to leave, then it’s the same cycle until I get back home.”
“Narrowing down my options, I’d say either I have terrible luck, Mother Nature is messing with me…or maybe, just maybe, Mother Nature is trying to teach me a lesson. Like…remember you umbrella you ding bat.” 
(Do you see what I mean about the never ending, odd and very random thoughts that run like freight trains through my mind?  It can be annoying but at the same time, I’m easily entertained and never really get bored…there is always something to ponder, or google.)
Forward march, and such…
4. *Conversation? With my 2yr old*
Me- Jr. you’re a fish (he loves fish and when he says fishes, my heart melts a little. Anyhow.)
Him- No, you’re a fish
(This goes back and forth a few times….until)
Me- No, you’re a fish *making fish face*
Him- *very serious* your mama.
“I love that kid, he’s awesome. Not only did my 2yr old just burn me, he also just burned his Meemaw. I’m so proud…I don’t know if I should be, but I really don’t care. That kid rocks! Clearly I’m doing something right.” haha
5.*Allusive bird* (Saturday my daughter spent some time outside, pretending to be a bird watcher.)  This began with her telling me she saw a red bird. She then went on to describe it, and inform me that she felt it was a cardinal. “I don’t know if she is right, but she sounds like she knows what she’s talking about.”  She then went off and returned to let me know she had found a blue bird. Now she wants me to name colors for her to find…”yay, a new game. I know I should be more excited about her interest and knowledge on birds, but I’m really more excited to just keep her busy.”
I began naming random colors, pink, green, purple – you get the point. Each time she came back saying that she saw one. I was running out of colors and was desperate. So I asked her if she could find the allusive invisible bird. She asked me how to find it, and I admit that I didn’t know because I had never seen one, due to the fact that it was invisible. “I’ve out smarted her, she can’t explain seeing an invisible bird.”
I’m not surprised when she returns quickly and claims to have seen it. I’m betting she cannot explain how she saw it, since its invisible….boy was I was wrong. Apparently the light hit it just right, for a minute, and she saw it. “I love the imagination” Once again I think I can out smart her, I ask her to find a camouflage bird….I was wrong. Here’s how it went down:
Kayla- I can find one but it won’t show up.
Me- how can you find one if it won’t show up?
Kayla- Because I can find any bird, I’m a bird watcher..but you can’t see it.
Me- why can’t I see it?
Kayla- *serious* Because it’s camouflage.
“Her face says it all, it’s the duh mom look…as if I should have known this all along. Yet her thinking is very logical, a bird watcher is good at spotting rare birds, and to a non-bird watcher a camouflage bird would easily blend in. The kid is a genius, ok maybe her counting is a little bumpy sometimes, and maybe she misses a letter every now and then, but logically she’s got it down. I have confidence that I’m not raising another mindless sheep, lacking in common sense – with a boring personality. I’m okay with that. So I may not win mother of the year, that’s okay. I’m more of an awesomely odd mother of the year kind of person, anyways.”
….These inner discussions seem stranger on paper…something more to think about.
6.* 2am, sleepless pondering.* “I wonder what he (hubby) is dreaming about, he keeps saying he’s got it. I could ask him questions, he’s likely to respond, he’s good at carrying on a conversation while sleeping, and it’s a plus that he doesn’t remember anything about it in the morning. He should really be happy that he has a trusting and loving wife. I imagine a lot of woman would use this power for evil haha. They would ask him if he was cheating or something equally troublesome. I use this power to entertain myself…I ask stupid questions like what are you doing? Do you eat boogers? Do you like to wear dresses? He’s deep in dream land, I’m performing an experiment. I wonder how it will turn out, this would go easier if he remembered his dreams better, then I would know for sure if I could control his dream while he slept.”
“Hmm..I wonder if that’s evil in some way? Not sure. Either way, the results of the experiment will be more intriguing if I don’t tell him. Muhahahaha”
“The results of the heart rate experiment were priceless, I’ve never laughed so hard. Electronically measuring his heart rate for a steady and relaxing time, then randomly busting out with…”I want to blow you”, and seeing his heart rate take a quick rise as the adrenaline rushed through his body – was priceless! I feel like a scientist now. I’m not curing cancer, but it was still fun to see the mind/body response to a few simple words….the mind really is a powerful thing.”

I’ll end here for the night since I’ve drifted into the one A. M. Hour. I’m sure that’s more than enough insanity for tonight. I applauded you if you made it through the tangled mess of my weekly mind. I have so many thoughts, maybe I should call this ‘Note Worthy Thoughts of The Week? I’m not sure….I really like to say HUMP-day….oh well, goodnight for now.
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