Motherly Instinct Goes Extinct

Technology has put the world at our fingertips and with that, has come its own set of problems. From Internet bullying to identity theft: But have you ever stopped to think about what technological growth has done to mothers natural instincts? I have and it’s slightly scary.
The ability to have the world at our fingertip has created a divide in motherhood. Yes, we all know that there are plenty of labels placed on mothers, from crunchy or hippie to strict or uncaring. This isn’t what I’m referring to, I’m talking about the divide into what we’ll call ‘Past based moms’ and ‘New-age moms’. The divide in having natural instinct and not having them.
I know, you’re thinking we all come with natural mothering instincts, right? Well, I use to think the same thing and then I became a mother and began interacting with other mothers. That’s when I came to find out that not all mothers carry that natural mother instinct.
I first experienced this through playgroups, as I watched groups of mothers trying to convince other moms that their way was best. It wasn’t just a mother or two, it was whole groups. These woman would speak kindly to one another but they were all pushing an agenda. They weren’t there for the kids to socialize, they were there to play the “one up” game.  If you’re unaware of the “one up” game: it’s a lot like keeping up with the Jones’ but with information instead of material items.
It’s a battle of who does it better and all the contestants sound completely insane. Every one of them quoting a book or website that they’ve read. Each pushing for the others to join their newly learned parenting “skill” trend. Everything that comes out of their mouth sounds robotic, as if they’re just following a script. They’re a herd of sheep, following whatever popular trend they’ve come across. Needless to say, playgroups were not for us. We’d just find some other way to get the kids socializing in.
After playgroups, I decided to hit the Internet for some mom-based forums or sites. I wanted somewhere to interact with other mothers, read their stories and maybe make a few friends along the way.  I didn’t realize that these places were going to be a lot like the playgroups. I found nothing but judgments, agenda pushing and honestly, a lot of stupid question. Questions that made me wonder how these people ever managed to live long enough, to have a child.
What had happened to mothers? No one was saying what THEY felt was best for their kid, they were simply quoting the latest parenting trend. All of them defensive when a mother with different ideas, chimes in. Then comes the slough of judgement and reasons to why their way is best. Yet, these are people who are asking the ridiculous questions.
Now, when I say ridiculous I don’t mean harm. These are questions I feel they should know the answer to, or easily be able to figure out on their own. The kind of questions that our natural instinct answers for us.
 For instance:
 “How do I know when my baby is full?”  This one drives me bonkers, as if another mother could truly know when your baby if full or hungry or wet or well, anything else.  If you can’t figure this out, you probably shouldn’t have a kid. I’m really not even sure how you’ve managed to survive. Has the baby stopped eating or begun to refuse the breast/bottle? Has the baby been burped? Is he still refusing after a burp? Then he’s probably fucking done!! It’s not rocket science. This goes the same for “How do I know when my baby’s hungry?” If you feel the need to consult every book, doctor, website, family member, and friend: before you can decide if your baby is hungry or not: There is something wrong and you’re likely a new-age mom.
“I need advice, my kid’s just so smart, he out-smarts me all the time! How do you keep a diaper on your child?” Seriously? No, seriously? This has to be a bullshit question right? It’s not and you’d be surprised how many moms are asking it. Let me clarify, just in case you’re wondering: We put clothes on our kids. Shocker, I know! Oh, they can take clothes off? Well guess what, we put clothes on them – that they can’t fucking take off. You know, over-alls, those footie-suits (on backwards), anything with lots of buttons or snaps. If your kid can remove properly fitting clothes with difficult buttons, than you’re failing on a whole other level, because that kid should already be out of diapers. You’re baby or toddler, is not smarter than you and to think so is ridiculous. You don’t have a have a super baby, your kids not a genius and you’re just a new-age moron mom.

Those are just a small example of how our natural instincts are dying. Why? Why is this happening? Well, I’m glad you asked. It’s because the Internet has allowed us to become dependent on trusting the answers of others. What? Yeah, instead of believing in what we think is right or doing what our instincts tell us to do, we’re just following the trends or thoughts of various strangers that litter the web. The mass collection of judgmental, agenda pushing: sites, articles, posts, books and forums are ruining mothers.
Mothers are being pushed into fade parenting from fear of the judgment they’ll receive if they do things a little different. So much information is being thrown around that mothers are overwhelmed, confused and now harshly judging themselves. All because someone/something told them that they’re doing it wrong. This is how they become a new-age mom. By dropping their instincts and solely trusting in the trends and fades of others. Never stopping to think about how they feel on the subject, just blindly following along. This is how they become one of the sheep, and before long – they’re pushing that agenda onto other moms and so the cycle continues. They are the “mean girls” of motherhood. They are MOM-ZILLAS! (Think bride-zilla but with crappy, half-ass researched ,parenting advice: instead of wedding crap. lol)
What happened to the strength and natural instinct of our mothers and their mothers…etc? Where did that go? Now, of course our mothers didn’t have the Internet and all that other crap to rely on but they knew. They parented with confidence and they knew what was best for their children, in whatever era it was – that they were being raised in. They didn’t depend on the advice, thoughts or suggestion of others. They learned from watching their mothers, grandmothers and all the mothers on the streets, in which they played. They learned from helping with siblings and though they may not have realized, they were being raised to be mothers.
They didn’t sit around judging each other for their parenting choices. They didn’t sit around debating them either. They did what they felt was right for their kids and that was that! If they were talking about parenting in any form, it was simply in sharing their day and not casting an agenda. They uplifted each other, they supported each other and they had each-others back. They swapped secrets over play dates not passive-aggressive judgments. That’s something we need a lot more of! They lived for their families: They ate, slept, breathed and crapped family. That was their life, it was their…dare I say it….job.
Now don’t get your panties in a bunch, I’m all for women’s right, equality and bra burning. The problem is that some of us have allowed the Internet to step in place of our good training and others simply never received it. Which I suppose is the generation we are looking at, new-age moms. These moms who were likely born around the time computers and the Internet really begun to take off. I didn’t realize it but I think I’ve had a break through. The internet has caused far more damage than I knew. Lol (stay with me)
Their parents neglect and lack of interest due to growing technology is the source of it all. Ok, that and possibly stupidity, I’ll go 50/50. The point is that new-age moms have lost all instinct and they’re starting to take over the world. They’re also highly annoying and easily become defensive. They question every little thing and they’ll judge you for anything you choose to do differently. They have to consult everything and everyone before they can be ok with their own parenting trend choice.
Whereas past-based moms don’t feel the need to discuss or debate every little thing. They go with their gut and trust the natural mother instinct they were born with/picked up from the mothers that surrounded them growing up. They don’t care if you breastfeed or bottle feed. They’re not going to get mad if you use disposable diapers over cloth or vice versa. They won’t push an agenda on you or judge you for parenting your child. They carry confidence in what they do and they’re perfectly happy with not being part of the trendy little groups. They know that you’re judgments are just that, you’re own. In the end, your opinions really have nothing to do them and they understand that.

We need more moms who trust their instinct like that, and who don’t feel the need to depend on the outside world or popular trends to determine their way of parenting. We need to have more confidence in our natural abilities and to stop placing so much judgment on ourselves, as well as others. Trust your gut, trust those instincts and be the mom you want to be. Don’t worry about everyone else, just do your thing and raise confident -well rounded- children, who will do the same in the future.
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4 Responses to Motherly Instinct Goes Extinct

  1. I love it. I'm with you on this all the way. Women or moms have lost the natural instinct to mother their children. I think it was Dr Spoke who used to say to young moms of the 50's and 60's "You know more than you think you do." and that is the truth. I remember when mine were young and I was fortunate enough to have a pediatrician who didn't think he was a god. He allowed me freedom (imagine that) to mother my child.

    Good post Danie!

  2. Thank you for the kind word, it's always a pleasure to hear (read) the thoughts of another warrior mom.

  3. CJ says:

    When my oldest was a little baby, I told the Dr. and others that my son was occasionally breathing funny. After he checked my son out and found nothing, he made a remark about nervous first time moms who can't decipher the different noises of a new baby. A few months later he had a full blown asthma attack. Because I didn't second guess myself and reacted quickly, we got him to the ER before it became life-threatening. You are 100% right – we know what we know and need to be confident in it. I think the problem is that moms are always attacking each other for not parenting "their way" and start to second guess themselves. That is why I stay away from those parenting sites. But being a mom of three – there have been times (serious health issues) where I did not know enough and needed information – so I looked for it and was able to make a great decision about my son's treatment. So I think there is a balance.

    Good Post!

  4. Thank you for your comment, this is a very common problem with new moms. We believe our doctors should know best (they should medically) however, that's not always the results we get. Of course their are times we are going to need to look things up or ask an expert and when it come to medical, always better safe then sorry. Also, never anything wrong with a second of third opinion if you feel deeply that something is wrong with your baby. We don't have to follow the trends, follow other moms or even take their advice, we should be doing our best for our own. No one answer is ever going to be the same and as moms I feel we figure our own individual families out. Balance is certainly a big thing! Great comment, thank you so much for the share.

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