Today my mind drifts to the thoughts of marriage. My husband and I have been married six years now, this past November 11th. (I’m sure I’ve mentioned this & yes, we did marry on Veterans Day) Altogether, it’s been a little over eight years now, and like everyone, we’ve had our fair share of ups and downs.
My husband and I, are very different – when they say opposites attract, they’re not kidding. The first time I saw my future husband was in a movie theater parking lot. I was with a girlfriend and she knew him through a mutual friend, she was meeting. At this point I did not yet meet my future husband, I would only catch a look, this time.
I was only sixteen at the time and had already dropped out of school: I was working at a local Big Lots store and was basically wasting my teen years away. Though, I did learn and experience a lot in that time and I still graduated ahead of time, so I suppose it’s not that bad. What can I say? I never just do thing the easy way, I must cut my own little path…sometimes it’s awesome…other times, it’s just a pain in the ass.
I guess you could say I was always a little different, I was a “mutt” who never fit solely into one place. My style was a mixture of goth/stoner/punk/country and WTF! The look mostly depending on how I felt that day. Sort of like “mood ring” clothing. Or maybe I was simply trying to find myself: to be honest, I still have no clue. I didn’t have a set “type”, I fit in with almost everyone, except the extreme preps – overly perky people scare me, it’s just too much happiness and positively for me to handle. Life is not all sunshine and rainbows, all that bubbling positivity can be rather sickening.
As for my future husband, he was a straight-up red neck! No lie, true blue (seriously, I’ve never seen a neck so red), mud bogging, forest partying, beer drinking, asshole. No doubt about it! My first impression of him screamed it, as he stood before this monster of a lifted truck – sitting on overly large tires, proudly leaning against it, as if he were somebody. From first sight, he wasn’t my type!
However, I had always been a softy for a guy with a truck. The sight of it brought back recent memories of forest exploits and sexual encounters on the tail gate of a far less sexy truck – under the stars and at the water front. My mind was flooded with thoughts of what if’s – not for him, but for the things that could happen in that truck. After all, those kind of moment are what life is all about!
My attraction to the truck was automatic and had me quickly begging my girlfriend to let me take a ride. (hehe, that sounded dirty) It was no-go though, she insisted I just keep my ass in car and finish “elevating” myself. What? I threw possible stoner in the description of myself, you can’t be surprised. Plus, she has been a friend for many years and was fully aware of the trouble I was capable of getting into. It wasn’t often that I listened, but I did on this day.
Shortly, her friends left and we went on about our night; unknown to me, that I had just got the first sight of my future husband. Before that could happen, it would take being fired from my job for going to a funeral. Then being rehired (Because I don’t go down like that), then quitting (long story, all one day). I’d then end up having a terrible and very awkward one night stand – before fate would kick in.
I was down, I had been for at least a week, if not more. I couldn’t seem to get out of my funk, I was living in a blue world. This is the very reason I ended up going out with my girlfriend, on that particular night. She insisted that I needed to get out and get over it. That’s when life brought me to a little pub, where I sat waiting on my girlfriend to get done shooting pool. Thinking about all my recent fails, school, the job, the guys who recently ripped my heart out and the horrible, terrible, no good, very bad, one night stand that I sadly wished would continue. Yeah, I had reached that level of sad.
On this night I didn’t even bother going in, I was in a terrible mood and had no want to be amongst a large crowd. Instead, I sat in the car smoking a “Christmas” cigarette (clove) and continually beating myself up. After a good thirty minutes of that nonsense, my friend appeared with the two guys we had met a few months back. They both stood at the window and spoke to me like two little hungry puppies who’ve just found a new bone. Though neither seemed to be my type, I certainly seemed to be theirs and that was enough to hold my attention. Ok, so I enjoyed flirting and the attention of men….a lot… what do you expect? I have major daddy issues.
Anyhow, with recent events of my terrible one-night stand, I couldn’t help but find them to be repulsive. I entertained them but I could not have cared less about them. I had no want to meet them later or hang out….ever. My girlfriend and I were invited back to future hubbies place for drinks but at that time, I felt like anything would have been better than going back to his place. My second impression of my future husband is: “Yeah right loser, get some game!” What? I’m not a snob, he just didn’t interest me. I believe it was mostly due to the fact that I was just coming of a sexual relationship with a man who was pre-med. So that’s kind of hard to beat. I mean really, non-college student “boy” or pre-med “Mc.Dreamy”. Mmmhmmm, you see the dilemma. I had a future doctor…a FUTURE DOCTOR!! That’s hard to let go of, when it was still such a fresh wound. So I had no time for what I saw to a “boy”, I wanted a man!
Looking back now, I’m unsure of what my girlfriend and I did the rest of that night, but I can assure you it was not going back to his place. I imagine the rest of the night involved getting very “elevated”, which is probably why I don’t remember it. haha. I’m sure I spent the next week or so like that, in a routine of wake-n-bake and sleeping my life away in a fit of depression. OK! Maybe not as much depression as it was sheer self-loathing.
This is when the boredom comes in, and when my daily routine was interrupted by a call from my girlfriend: this was the moment I’d jump back to life. No more self-loathing for me, no avoidance of daily life, or having a life, and no more worrying about the recent heartbreaking bastards. My friend says she’s waiting on her guy-friend to pick her up, and they want to pick me up as well. Figuring that I have no job, no herbal remedies and I feel the need to sexy it up a bit, as well as live again – I agree.
About an hour later they arrived and were heading off to what I now know, was my future. It was supposed to be a simple errand running adventure: A stop for a new tire, load his truck for the next days’ work and then a little drinking back at his house. To my surprise, that tire was coming from my future husbands shop, where he worked as a mechanic. (Crap, he not only drive a truck, he also works on them. Kind of sexy, but I’ll toss those thoughts aside because he still seemed like a huge dork.)
After a short wait on the tire, we are off and heading towards the mutual friends house. After a look around his place, my future husband arrived and we loaded up in the jeep. We were headed off to the warehouse, for the guys to load the trailer. (Mutual friend & girlfriend up front, future husband and me in back.)
This is where it all really starts, this is the ride that will begin to change my life. On the way over, we all talk, joke and laugh – almost as if we’ve known each other forever. Today, at this moment – out of my slump, I’m in go-mode! I’m in the mood to flirt, to have some fun and to make some new friends along the way. I guess you could say I was ready to pick myself up and start again. It’s not like the recent events were anything unusual in my life, I’m very familiar with disappointment, especially from the men in life. Brush it off and move on again.
That back-road ride, more than a few drinks, and a stormy hurricane night – led to our mutual friends having sex. Which forced future hubby and myself, to spend some time alone. That small amount of time would lead to the life I have today. If it weren’t for the events of that day, and the couple of nights that followed – I wouldn’t be where I am now. I wouldn’t have my wonderful husband, kids or home, and quite frankly that’s a terrible though.
Two days after our little moment on the porch, my future husband and I would be dating. After a week, he would end up slipping on the ‘I love you’. Within two weeks, we were living together, and within a month, we were engaged. Shortly after being engaged, we found out we were pregnant. Within three short months of our relationship, a lot of things had changed. We went from living on our own, to living at my parents. He was now looking for work and we had just recently lost our baby. The next few months were spent in our very own hell, at one point the pressure was so high, we split up: It lasted a very short time, a few days at most.
In these few months he worked delivered papers at night and for at parts-house during the day. He loved the parts-house, he was tired, but life was good. Just a short time later, were married and it was very simple wedding: just a little gathering on his parents’ front porch, nothing fancy – sort of “redneck-ish” minus the mud and non-sense. It may have been cheap but that cheap wedding would later win us tickets to meet Larry the cable guy, so I call that a win.
Anyways, a few months after marriage, we moved into an apartment and finally began our own life. Of course, we didn’t know at the time that his work would end up going under – in the end, we’d lose the apartment and all our belongings as well. As all the crap fell down around us and the lights were being switched off from lack of money – we found out we were pregnant! Now the pressure was really on. Here we were, two years into a relationship, we’ve lost two homes to closing businesses, we’ve lost one baby and we’re now basically homeless and pregnant.
(To shorten it up a bit) My husband worked his butt off with a friend doing tows, we moved back to my parents and I found work at Kmart. The towing paid very little and my husband – thankfully – found a good job, just months before our baby was due to arrive. A short time after our daughter was born, we were able to move into our own little home again, and my husband was happily working a good and very stable job. From there life would rise for us and now here we are in our first real home. Finally out of our tiny family home (RV, no room after two kids), with three kids now and plenty to be thankful for.
There were a lot of people who were taking bets on how long our marriage would last. None of which surpassed a few years – I’m sure – and yet, here we are. We may not be the same people as when we met, and we may be complete opposites when it comes to most things, but we work. Where one falls short, the other fills in, and that is where our differences align us – in some strange way, we just complete each other. Personally, I’d call us a puzzle. We are millions of pieces that fit perfectly together, to make one picture. Though we have different things printed on us and our shapes are different, it doesn’t matter, because in the end we create something beautiful together.
If I had kept my mind closed that day, if I had stayed in my slump, or if I had not given him a second or third thought – I would have missed out on my life. I would have missed my chance to change for the better, and I would have missed the chance to marry a great man. I mean don’t get wrong, he’s not perfect by any means, but he loves me and that seems to be enough.
Sometimes we met someone and think they are below us, or that they’re boring. Maybe be feel they’re ugly or too dorky, and so we pass on them up. Essentially, we end up judging a book by its cover, and never take the time to know what it’s all about. Sometimes we have bad days or moods, and they make us feel like we dislike others: when really we just dislike what’s going on with ourselves, but were often too stubborn to see past it. We judge people unfairly, we judge them by our mood and don’t take the time to know them before passing that judgement. If I had done this, if I had just passed it all off, then my family would not be here. There’s a chance I wouldn’t be here. That’s why you should always give people a chance and never let your mood effect your judgment. You don’t want to miss out on how great your life could be, you don’t want to miss out on your own prince or princess in life.