Woody the Woopecker goes Bad-Boy.

* BANG, BANG, BANG!!*  Who is that hammering on my porch? Maybe it’s the neighbor, this area has a great echo, I’m probably just hearing him.

 (2 days later.)  
* Bang, bang,bang, tap, tap,tap!* What in the world is he working on? My head’s pounding with bangs and taps. Upon peaking out the window, like the stealthy ninja I am…..I found out the neighbor wasn’t even home. Where in the world was this noise coming from? I already ruled out the kids banging on something, and the neighbor…what else could it possibly be?
That night I left to do some grocery shopping, and noticed my back porch was covered in wood chips. This didn’t seem like a clue at first. I was on a “mom mission”  and didn’t have the time to stand there over thinking it. We have carpenter bees that come through every now and then. The back porch can often be found with little piles or layers, of what appears to be saw dust. However, it’s not saw dust, it’s bee dust. With that in mind, I just shrugged it off as nothing and went about my mission.
Then it happened, the next day I had the dinning room window shades up. That doesn’t seem important, but this window has a clear view of the back porch. Again, I heard the annoying taps and bangs that had begun to annoy me. That’s when I saw him…..the redheaded devil himself. A giant woodpecker is hanging from my deck roof, and tearing into the wood. 
I watched for a moment and crept to the window. My ninja skills were not with me this time, he spotted me with his beady little eyes, and hip red Mohawk. He lifted his wing revealing a Bad Boys tattoo, and took off like a biker on his hog. I knew this spelled trouble, I’d just met the Hells Angel of WoodPeckers. 
For a week he’s used my porch like his own bar, or personal buffet. Each day, I’ve pulled on my ninja suit and tried to capture a picture. All my efforts have gone to waste, he’s smart, and possibly a drug addict. He’s paranoid and jumpy, all that combined with his speed leaves me to believe he’s a meth junkie. 
I’ve tried sneaking pictures of him from all possible windows, including the door window. It doesn’t matter if his back is turned, or if I’m in my best ninja mode, he still manages to catch a peek of me and hits the road before I can snap a picture. This has now become some strange game of ours that he is clearly winning. 
My husband asked if we could shoot him, and of course I can’t let that happen. First, because he’s just being a bird, and I can’t stand to see anything hurt. Second, you apparently have to have a special license to shoot a woodpecker..who knew?
I guess we’ll just have to let him visit our porch until he grows tired of it. Is there any chance that “Swiss cheese” style boards on your porch is going to be the next “it” thing?? …I won’t hold my breath on that one.
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