(Bloggers note: Remember that this is a series. This post is number 4 and to get the full effect, I advise going back for the first 3 before continuing on. You’ll be glad you did, I promise!
Part 1: A Wife Good-Bye
Part 2: Mom’s Dead, Now What? (How To Handle The Kids.)
Part 3: Life Goes On. (Falling Into The Routine.)
Part 4: You’ve Come This Far, Now What?
It’s now nearing July, summer is in full swing and the water screams our children’s names. These months have advanced rapidly as you’ve dealt with the loss of me and trying to return to life. I suspect the family is adapting as well as one could expect.
For you, I envision that the bed must still feel lonesome and almost foreign at times. I suspect that occasionally, you will be over-whelmed with the feeling of abandonment, as if I chose to leave you. No worries dear, it’s understandable. Just as you may feel like a piece of you is missing, it’s all a part of the process.
Some days, it will seem as if you cannot go on, other days you may forget I existed. Though months have passed, these wounds are still quite fresh. I promise the pain won’t last forever, time heals all wounds. It might not fix the problem but just as the tide will roll in, your wounds will heal.
After all, you’ve made it through my good-bye, telling the kids of my death, and getting them back on a routine….how much harder can it get, right? 🙂 Unless more people start dying or I return as a zombie, luck has got to be on your side now.
I realize your summer will be full of adjusting, learning and growing into a new, stronger, family unit. It’s likely that you will keep the kids engaged in summer fun. Keeping them busy will ensure they gain some “free” time from thinking about their beloved, missing mommy.
Between the pool visits and park adventures, you will need to register our daughter for kindergarten. Since I was unable to live long enough for this experience, I can only be of so much help. From what I gather, it’s as simple as taking her birth certificate, proof of residence and shot records to the school.
From there, they can fill you in on what to do, what you’ll need and give you plenty to read, I’m sure. For peace of mind, I’d ask when orientation was, when school lets in and out. As well as, bus information, if you will need to do this. I would prefer you dropped her off, however, I understand if this is unrealistic. Don’t sweat it if you cannot find a way to avoid her riding the bus, I won’t roll over in my grave or anything.
You may want to ask if she will need a special note, in the event of the babysitter picking her up. I would guess that they likely have a form to fill out and keep on file for such events. This information should tide you over until orientation, and help you prepare your soon-to-be changing schedule.
Next on your list, will be the dreaded shopping. For now, I’d say you should focus on the clothes as these will be your most costly task. If you buy a little each week (an outfit a week), then it shouldn’t feel as straining on your wallet.
Not to mention the fact that the family will also want to shower her with these new goodies as well. This means there is no need to really go over board.
Here is your list:
1. New panties (by them a size bigger then what she wears now.)
2. New socks ( also a little bigger…just do that unless I say otherwise.)
3. Four pairs of jeans (try them on!! CHECK for room to grow.)
4. Four knee length or long skirts. Also, four pair of coordinating shorts to wear underneath. (NEVER let her wear a skirt or dress without shorts underneath.)
5. 2 pairs of tennis shoes and one pair of fancy closed-toe shoe.
6. Hair bows, buy lots, you’ll lose them. You know you will and she will too.
7. An extra hairbrush, you’ll both lose that too.
8. 8 shirts.
9. Large ziplock bags
10. Sharpie Markers
As far as shopping is concerned, you could make things easier if you let my mom do it. However, I would prefer that you got involved and did it for yourself. I understand if this is all too much right now and will let it slide this one time. Since I have faith in you, I believe you’ll do as I wish.
I realize that shopping isn’t the top thing on your “fun stuff to-do”list. Unfortunately, this must be done and it’s only the beginning of your tasks. Before school starts, you’ll also need to acquire a supply list and fulfill the schools demands of tissues and soaps. Along with all the little knick-knacks and what-nots.
Worse yet, I’m going to need you to be excited about it. Not for me, but for our daughter. She’s becoming a big girl, starting kindergarten and growing into her own little person, full of personality. Enjoy this moment, getting to know her style, her likes and her dislikes. I can picture her standing in the aisle, surrounded by backpacks. Princess, spongebob, fairy, Dora….the choices are endless.
She’ll change her mind, like a grown woman trying to pick shoes for that first date. Your patience will grow thin but suck it up and live in the moment. This is the flashback you’ll be having when she’s asking which dress she should buy for her first big dance…and yes, even for her wedding.
Hold tight to these memories and be sure to boost her confidence. Don’t worry about how long it’s taking, the fact that everyone’s staring at you or anything else. Let her model her clothes, change her mind a million times and watch as the nervousness and excitement builds in her. Almost as if she were waiting for Christmas morning or her birthday. In these quickly moving moments, you’ll watch as she grows before your eyes.
Once you have the shopping done, take the clothes and your ziplock bags, then mark them with days of the week. Match outfits, all the way down to the panties and fill the bags. This will make getting ready for school as fast as grabbing a bag and going, it’ll also help teach her the days of the week faster. I know she drives you crazy, asking what day it is over and over again. 🙂
Then, in a few weeks, she’ll be starting her very first day of kindergarten. You’ll be helping her prepare for her big day as her stomach churns with excitable little knots. She may not want to go at first, then she’ll change her mind (like any good women would do) and she’ll go. She’ll muster up the courage to walk into her class and begin a whole new world of independence. Outside, she will still look like a child, but inside, she’ll have matured with the loss of her mother. No matter, she will let go of your hand and you will walk away, knowing that nothing will ever be the same.
From here on out, she has a little life of her own. Everyday you’ll have to ask what her day was like and what all she’s learned. Encourage her to share her joyful moments, thoughts, fears, accomplishments and well, everything. It’s so important that you guys keep the lines of communication open. If it matters to her then it should probably matter to you too.
Don’t zone out, don’t pretend this all this doesn’t matter, because it does!!
You will forever hold these precious experiences in your heart. This is why children will always be your “baby”, no matter how big they get. You will be there to mold their lives, experience so many firsts, hold their hand when they’re scared, offer a shoulder when they need to cry and celebrate their accomplishments. You will teach our sons to be gentlemen and good hearted, hard working men. You will also be our daughters first love.
From you, she will learn how a man should carry himself, how men should treat woman and unknown to her, the characteristics of her future husband. I encourage you to not over do the princess thing, I would never want her to be stuck up. Ensure that she has plenty of time to feel “girlie”and beautiful but be sure you teach her to handle her own. Teach her that a man can be a wonderful partner but isn’t needed to live life. She should be able to change her own tire, deal with her own oil changes and still rock a pair of heels. (I don’t expect you to teach her the “heels” part…I could just see you attempting to strut through the house. Nearly breaking your neck, all in efforts to make her feel better about her own little stumbles as she takes her first steps. Of course, your heels are made of a pair of your flip-flops with a wood chunk, duct-taped to the bottom. Hahahahaha.)
The only other thing I can think of seems obvious. Keep in good contact with the teacher, watch out for signs of bullying or being bullied. Get involved with the school and her class every once in a while. 🙂 Just do all you can to make the transition easy, be supportive and don’t push, but guide her into the amazing person she’s destined to be. I have faith in you, I know you’ll see it through.
Continue with Post 5: Progressing Through Life(Jrs Yearly Scan)